When you appreciate how a borderline person hears you and adjust how you communicate with them, you can help diffuse the attacks and rages and build a stronger, closer relationship. Many friends or family members often feel guilty and blame themselves for the destructive behavior of the borderline person. You may question what you did to make the person so angry, think you somehow deserve the abuse, or feel responsible for any failure or relapse in treatment.

This makes the relationship drastically more successful. Whitney is a writer, blogger, and social media enthusiast. https://hookupgenius.com/ She believes in the power of the digital world to create positive change when mixed with the right intentions.

She said no, and tried to get all close and chummy. I kept pushing her away, because I was sooo upset. We went and got the pill, so nothing happens. She promised me that she didn’t have sex for a while before she met me, but deep down I feel like its bullshit. Then we were talking, and she kept saying that she likes me, but she doesnt know if this is what she wants.

“So they developed this sensitivity to abandonment and rejection and go through life trying to make sure that doesn’t happen to them again,” Smith previously told Insider. He added that people with the disorder think poorly of themselves and often engage in verbal and physical self-harm. Long-term therapy and relationships with people who have boundaries and compassion can help.

Immature, inexperienced men will blame their BPD girlfriend for everything. Instead of looking within, it’s easy to place blame on others. And I would like you to know it is NOT impossible to date us.

HI Zoe, thank you so much for your comment. I agree with you that even with a partner who makes you feel very happy, there can still be times when loneliness kicks in. You’re right, everyone has a different path in life. I think the book ‘Radical Acceptance’ is one I need to check out.

For them, trust is always an issue, often leading to distortions of reality and paranoia. Caring about someone with Borderline Personality Disorder tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being loved and lauded to abandoned and bashed. You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time, and in severe cases, on the border between reality and psychosis.

They love someone or hate them, but there’s no in-between

Most men who date borderline women have just as much issues and inner turmoil. Women are not attracted to men who seek perfection. Since you believe in caretaking and perfect relationships, it’s pretty obvious why your relationship didn’t work out – you are just a complete turn-off to your woman. You are the opposite of what makes a woman hot and bothered for a man. Unfortunately, millions of men are exactly like you. My mission is to help men discover what it means to be a man.

Remember That Managing BPD Takes Time

Not looking for any advice or anything, just wanted to let some stuff out. This is regarding my girlfriend who is suffering from borderline personality disorder we are in relationship for the past 9 years. I knew that she has this problem from the day we started dating. I love her so much that her disorder never bothered me though she insults me or says that i am the cause for her problems. She fought with me lots of time also she tried to break up with me but i couldn’t let her go she also loves me so it never happened. I to applied a visa to USA twice but got rejected but got my visa for Australia so she thinks that i purposely didn’t go to USA.

Exaggerated fear of abandonment.

Incredibly irresponsible to perpetuate this cycle of abuse whether or not some dude gets excitement from fucking one of these evil broads. I’ve dated two BPD women in my life so far and I must say your blog really opened my eyes in realizing whats going on in these relationships. I live in Europe, dating life here is a bit different than in America, however many of these things still apply. I have tried everything in my limits to have her attention but it has all failed. Last time I spoke to her things I heard like she doesn’t feel the way I do and I can’t force things on her. She even just let me be the moment I will stop having these hopes and aspirations from her she will be back.

What if you are in a relationship with someone with BPD?

She needed to go back to her home state, I helped take care of her pets for a few days everyday. I did and still do sooo much for her, and shes alway’s saying how shes independent, she doesn’t need anybody. But when I see her actions, I think otherwise. I try not to say anything about it though.

What got me most, and became the root of many of our disagreements was that I simply couldn’t understand what the hell was going on. When she would pull back, I would incessantly try to dig into what was triggering her actions. It’s funny, I remember a few times she would rage at me and say, “You say you love me, fvcking ACT like it!

You’re seen as either for or against them and must take their side. Don’t dare to defend their enemy or try to justify or explain any slight they claim to have experienced. They may try to bait you into anger, then falsely accuse you of rejecting them. They may gaslight you to make you doubt reality and your sanity, even try to brainwash you. In their desperation for caring, they often behave in ways that feel like emotional manipulation and abuse. Cut-offs of friends and relatives who “betray” them is common.